Late Christmas night

These are happy times.

It’s Christmas. Well, actually Christmas is over, but I still consider it to be the day until I wake up.  In the end, there wasn’t big huge electronic spectacles unwrapped or giant bags of money unveiled. Instead there were two families and a lot of small gestures to let the others know that we are thinking of them. I’m happier about that than you can imagine.

Of course, because I am so happy the late-night mania takes hold and I lay next to Jessie thinking about how goddamned perfect my life is sometimes, and I just feel guilty.  I feel guilty that I don’t see my family enough, or that she doesn’t see her’s enough or that I don’t hang out with my friends as much as I used to, but I honestly don’t know what to do, when I am at work, she is the only person I want to see and speak to.  That’s so weird. Usually I can’t wait to get out of the house, but lately I don’t want to be anywhere else. I guess it’s a good thing that I married her, right?

I am happy that I finally had the funds to buy everyone a little something. I’m happy that they made everyone smile. I’m happy to do those things, and they make me feel like a better person than I actually am.  I’m sad because I can’t do it everyday and sometimes I’m too negative for my own good. I’m sad because in 50-60 years there’s a very real chance that either Jessie or I will have to live without each other. I’m actually scared of that. I’m glad that my grandpa is okay. I admire him so much. Some people look up to doctors, singers, athletes or big thinkers. I look up to an old guy who went to work every day and didn’t do any permanent damage to the people in his life. He’s a good man.

I’m glad I have this blog, and sad that I don’t use it like I should. I could be better at this.

I’m really glad that Jessie’s uncle bought me a Shamwow for Christmas. I may not know if I could live alone without my wife, but I know that I could clean up any unsightly mess that she would leave behind (these things have 27 times the absorbancy of paper towels!).

Life is pretty good. I can honestly say tonight as I sit here in the living room of Jessie’s parents that I am not that worried about tomorrow, or the days ahead. As long as I have my girl to keep me warm at night and shoes to cover my feet, I’ll be okay.

I’m not religious at all, but if my Jessie isn’t proof of a little bit of God’s mercy in this world, then we do live in merciless times indeed.

To the fans of kitschy Christmas (like me) and the Christians out there (even though it’s late) have a Merry Christmas.

To the Jewish, Grumpy Atheists, Muslims and others Mele Kalikimaka.

Be good.